I’m in this transition period where I just wish things were a bit more constant, yknow? It’s as if I’m so easily shaken and one of the greatest things I’m working against is my own “switch-off” button. I was just about to arrow myself over being so needy and whiny but thank goodness I have friends who tell me it’s okay to be needy cuz I’m in transition. I HAVE E RIGHTS (but not for too long) hoho. (Friends who read this, please support me in this rocky period! Thank you!)
I recently realized I have this high defence mechanism that has a tendency to block off anything that seems to threaten me. It’s widely-related to so many things like trust, hurt, hypocrisy, negative words. It’s like I’m trying to protect myself all the time and I don’t want that. So when it comes to us, I’m just trusting God with ALL that I have. It’s like affection and enthusiasm comes with a weighing scale. It’s not tiring but there’s hardly any confidence on my side. Not that I have self-esteem issues but I guess my perspective of relationships has kinda been jaded over my growing years. Nothing stays constant/forever except the Lord. Yet, it’s assuring to know that His ways are higher than mine, and thus, I shall have no fear.
Hahaha at least I know where the dark holes are and I’m diligently trying not to step into them! If I’m gonna explode I wanna burst into pink shiny shimmers like the Sesame Street gal in the pic above and go like “PING!” Guess we all need to rant ocassionally :P
Things are picking up in school, made some new friends and praise Jesus cuz I’ve recently been able to discern better, just like before. Helps me prevent myself from building walls too. I like having a clear view of things. I got into Student Service Ambassadors, which is kinda like PACE except I get paid. Currently the event timings usually clash with my Weds night lectures but it’s alright, it’ll all work out for good :D
I also challenged myself to go for a singing audition!!! It’s one of those super #YOLO things. I’ve never been a great singer, save for in the bathroom and we all know bathroom acoustics are like auto-tune hahahaha. I ALMOST chickened out a few times before the audition, and I NEARLY walked out of the room right before my turn! But I convinced myself and went back in feeling like, “Okay I HAVE to do this. It’s going to make me braver. DO IT, JO. SING.” And I did! AND I PASSED. I FREAKING GOT INTO GUITARPELLA - the one interest group I told myself I would not join. HAHAHAHA
God is good all the time. He is where I put my trust in, and He is the One I will look to always.
Praise You, Jesus.
Back to webcast lectures before I declare an ALL-PLAY-NO-WORK DAY tmr!!! Looking forward to church service! Yay :D